TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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