it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
