gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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