u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
