mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
