Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
