Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
