There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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