cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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