I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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