I molested 6 butterflies tonight
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
