Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
