do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
