so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
