and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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