so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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