I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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