it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
