What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
