That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
