just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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