Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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