I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
