she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
