I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
