I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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