So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
