It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
