just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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