How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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