Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
