I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize