I have demons in me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
