my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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