I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
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Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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