All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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