my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
