I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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