what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
