I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
