You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
