Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
