it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
