meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have fence marks all over my body
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
