covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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