You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize