Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
