I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
