The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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