You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I want to have your abortion
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
did you just send me my own nude
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
