Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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