Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
where am i from again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
