After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
