oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
