Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
