How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
