the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
