Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
