I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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