Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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