At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
