? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
