I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
