She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
