He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
