Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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