Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
